Ad Hominem
by raingds
Summary: GENDERSWITCH Same story, different circumstances. The Fullmetal Alchemist returns to Amestris, with an extra person tagging along. It seems that the Colonel's grief may now finally come to an end. Or is it just the beginning of more secrets? GIRLEdxRoy.
1. Chapter 1

Alright, so first: an explanation because some readers might be wondering WHY there's some character named Edwin (silly name…) in this story. Edwin is Edward, but a girl. The reason? I cannot read/write male pregnancy stories. They just urk me. I wish I could read them, though! So, I decided to make Edward _Edwin_ and develop the story from there. For sure she's still our beloved Fullmetal Alchemist, just with boobs.

This story starts out with Edwin in our universe, similar to the movie. Only here, she's been in Munich for a short time (about two months). Hoenheim took off just like the movie. Edwin meets Alfons in Romania and then settles in Munich for awhile. Altogether she's been on Earth for about two and a half months. She and Alfons still share an apartment above Gracia's shop (Gracia lives there also, but on a different floor). Sorry, there is no Ed/Alfons…

Anywho, I'll shut up now so you can read the thing. This isn't even the full chapter, but I wanted to know what others thought I guess?

Thanks! xoxo raingds

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Edwin's knees were sore and cold against the bathroom tile, her toes digging into the floor as she once again dove her head into the toilet. A series of sickening gags echoed off of the walls of the porcelain bowl. Letting out a long, slow groan, she spit out chunks of beef stew. Light footsteps came from the hallway and gentle hands pulled her hair back out of her face. A second pair of hands took to rubbing her back and arms gently. "This fuckin'…sucks." she managed to mumble softly.

Above, someone spoke, and another voice answered. Edwin had to take a few deep breaths before she pulled her head out of the humid toilet bowl air. Gracia's gentle face peered down at her, offering a sympathetic smile. To her right, Hughes let go of her hair and sat on the floor, grasping his knees to his chest and grinning in a very Hughes-like manner. "I'm really glad you took the bedroom right next to the bathroom. Saves a lot of time when you're frantically running down the hallway."

Rolling her eyes, Edwin wiped her mouth with the sleeve of her dress, sitting back to rest on the floor. "Didn't supper get over almost two hours ago? Why are you still here?" she managed a mischievous smile, wiggling her eyebrows up and down. Hughes and Gracia both blushed expectedly. Sighing, Edwin turned to lean over the toilet again; slapping a hand over the handle and watching the vomit and water flush slowly. Really, Hughes had been making moves on Gracia for over a month now. Not to mention the fact that he'd had feelings for her long before. Edwin was growing rather tired of being the awkward third-wheel at the dinner table. This occurred even more often since Alfons was out of the house more than he was in nowadays. Yet, she was happy for the company…any company at that. Especially company with familiar faces and personalities.

There followed one of the awkward silences Edwin had just been thinking of. She could feel Gracia's eyes on her, and it was hard to not make eye contact. "Edwin…" she spoke softly, and before the words left her lips Edwin knew exactly when she was going to ask. For a moment, the woman struggled for words, her hands buried stiffly in her lap. "You don't think that…perhaps you could be pregnant?"

Even though her mind screamed, "_Yes…yes…YES_," Edwin still managed to look flabbergasted. Instead she said, "ME? Ha. Trust me, there's no fucking WAY I could be preg-" but her sentence was interrupted as she threw her whole body into the toilet to deliver one last stream of barf. As she was recovering, Gracia continued cautiously.

"Yes, I know that. But you DO spend a lot of time with Herr Heidrich…" Edwin was about to either puke again or yell, but Gracia realized her mistake quickly, "No! Sorry, I didn't mean to be so forward." Instead she turned to Hughes, "Sorry, but could you wait outside while I talk with her?" Hughes nodded and got to his feet in a hurry, eager to avoid yet another awful conversation with Edwin.

Fortunately, Edwin was still trying to recover from Gracia's last accusation. Sleeping with Alfons would probably be just as disgusting and psychologically-damaging as sleeping with her own brother. Ugh…just…ugh. Her stomach wrenched for the millionth time. Even though it had been easy for Edwin to avoid any romantic affiliations with Alfons, HE, not knowing his almost perfect resemblance to her closest family member, had not hesitated to make advances. Luckily, Alfons was polite and kind, keeping his distance permanently at the first sign of distress and disinterest from his new friend. So, in other words, THAT catastrophe had been avoided.

Edwin noticed Gracia was giving her a concerned look so she took a deep breath and managed a polite smile. This did not appease the woman, who continued to interrogate her. "Well, then what's wrong with you? You don't have a fever and you're not bed ridden. You complain about everything smelling terrible, and you keep craving the strangest foods in large quantities." She listed her reasons off one by one, holding Edwin in her place with a piercing gaze. "When was the last time you had your cycle?"

Edwin's whole body did some sort of strange twitch as she tried to reply, "I don't remember! It's never been regular for me anyway since I'm so athletic."

But Gracia was right. It all fit.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you so much for the reviews! You honestly have no idea how much it helps to get reviews (or maybe you do know?), especially the positive ones haha.

NO Al is not the father. Though I admit it sounds like Edward/Edwin has feelings like that. That was unintentional, sorry : P

II.

Outside, it was raining cats and dogs. But Edwin hated that phrase because dogs tended to chase her, and cats reminded her of Al, which reminded her of how much she missed her brother. Then again, it wasn't as if she ever forgot how much she missed Al. In a vain attempt to counter the flow of thoughts, Edwin leaned in and tried to concentrate on the book before her. It was a useless attempt.

When she'd first arrived in this world, reluctantly tailing her father and trying to make sense of what exactly had occurred, the overwhelming emptiness Al had once filled left her in a state of shock. On one occasion, during a fight with Hoenheim, she'd turned around and shouted, "AL. Why don't you say anything!" only to be met with a blank wall. Hoenheim left the room as she erupted into tears, cursing her weakness as a girl and cursing Al for not being there.

Even now, it still hurt like hell because it was just impossible to imagine seeing him again. Or anyone for that matter. It had been different, easier to be persistent and stubborn when she was in her own world with Al and Winry and…well, anyway. It was depressing to keep thinking like that, so she sat up straighter in her chair and tried to make sense of the words and shapes in the book before her. Of course, it was no use and she drifted off into daydreaming again. A few short months she had been here, and already she was losing hope. In a world without alchemy—the only thing she could really _use_ to get back home—the entire idea seemed impossible. Fuck, she needed to stop thinking like this or she'd never get home.

Scrubbing her hair furiously, she managed to get up from the chair and waddle over to the sink. Her worst fears were confirmed: she was getting fat. God damnit. Edwin looked down at her swelling belly and rubbed it experimentally. For most of the day, she spent her time ignoring its presence, but now that she was so far along (seven months down! Hell yeah!), and the baby was kicking constantly, it was a lot harder to ignore. Gracia, though, was beside herself with excitement, constantly catering to Edwin's needs…even if she didn't really have any at that moment.

"Here! I made you a snack!" Gracia announced as she came into the living room one day when Edwin was trying to read _Chemical Principles and the World of Experimentation_ (a boring ass book if you asked her) and had her feet propped up because they were so swollen from her standing around at the library all morning. Gracia had placed a large tray of cheeses and crackers and a cup of tea in front of her and then stood back, waiting for Edwin to reply. Of course, Edwin could never turn down food, but it was still disconcerting that the woman was constantly hovering around her.

"Must be that woman's biological clock ticking overtime." Edwin mumbled in the quiet of her bedroom. She wished Hughes would just propose already so that the poor woman would stop having the slowest mental breakdown ever. That ways Edwin could get some peace and quiet. But then again, it would be awkward living with a newly married couple…wouldn't they want to do…stuff…all of the time? Blech. Edwin stuck out her tongue in disgust and moved back to the desk. _If Gracia had Hughes's baby, would it be Elicia?_ It was best not to think about that.

Edwin wondered what her friends back home would think of this situation she was in. "Oh my Edwin, now you're short _and_ fat," came the snide remark of the dream-colonel, and Edwin quickly dismissed that thought because it would not lead to anything good. She supposed that she would feel even more ashamed back home because she was so young, not yet seventeen. How many people would she have disappointed? Perhaps it was better that she was stuck in this new world. She knew more than anyone that she deserved it.

The baby kicked as if in response to that thought, and Edwin rolled up her shirt to expose her scarred, round watermelon of a belly. Her belly button had finally popped out (Edwin had read all about pregnancy at the library, and frankly she wasn't looking forward to the labor part, of which she had witnessed Gracia's own) and she quickly rolled her shirt back down to avoid looking at it. Glancing out the window, she saw that the rain had let up a bit, so she thought she would offer to get groceries for Gracia.

As she wobbled down the stairs, she heard two people talking in the kitchen. Rounding the corner finally, she saw that Gracia was talking to Alfons animatedly, looking at him in a motherly way. They both turned to look at Edwin when she entered, and Edwin offered a lazy wave. Alfons, as usual, seemed perturbed at the sight of her growing belly, but she had decided it was more directed at the concept of pregnancy itself rather than her fatherless-teen-pregnancy situation. "I was just wondering if you still needed someone to get groceries for you." She asked, standing awkwardly in the doorway. Gracia clapped her hands and smiled.

"Yes! I was just telling Alfons what I needed for tonight."

"Tonight?" Edwin raised a curious eyebrow. She had forgotten something…what had she forgotten? _Think, think, think._

"You forgot? It's Hughes's birthday today!" _Oh damnit._ She'd never hear the end of this one if Hughes heard she had forgotten his birthday. The man had been professing it for weeks, which meant he was up to something because he was only turning twenty-five and what was so special about turning twenty-five? "Alfons was suggesting which cake we could make, and I was trying to figure out how to make it to the liquor store in time. But now that you're here, the two of you can get the shopping done in half the time I could. If you wouldn't mind of course?" and Gracia flashed that motherly, innocent smile that reminded Edwin of her own mother. How could she say no?

"I'll grab your coat Edwin," Alfons said, smiling at her and Edwin decided that everyone wanted to remind her of her missing family today. Then again, they weren't missing. She was.

The bakery was only a block away, but since Edwin was now considerably heavier she couldn't walk that "get-out-of-my-way-I'm-on-a-mission" walk she used to. Alfons was patient as usual; wrapping his arm around her to help keep her warm from the chill of autumn and Edwin tried not to think too much about that.

"Ok, we need flour obviously, yeast…" Edwin listed off what they needed and Alfons paid for them, carrying the sacks as they wandered over to the butchery. Gracia had written down she wanted to make a pork roast, so of course they had to lug home a huge piece of meat. Poor Alfons…Edwin wasn't much help with carrying things. The liquor store was furthest away, and it would be closing in ten minutes so they couldn't come back later. Alfons managed to walk back home looking like he might topple over, though he tried his best to look manly in front of Edwin.

With a loud crash, Alfons set everything down on their tiny dinner table and plopped down in one of the chairs. Gracia appeared in the hallway, smiling. She was wearing a long brown skirt and a pink flowery top and basically she was glowing. "Wow. Hughes is a lucky guy." She said and winked. Gracia blushed and ducked into the kitchen, setting to work on the meal. Alfons, who seemed to have recovered, rolled up his sleeves are started on mixing the cake. "Hey! What can I do?"

"It's probably best you stay out of the kitchen," Alfons laughed nervously and Gracia nodded. Edwin turned bright red and hunched up her shoulders.

"What?! Just because I set that one thing on fire I'm banned from the kitchen forever?!"

"Edwin, you set multiple things on fire that night, I almost had to get the kitchen redone," Gracia motioned toward the singed wallpaper next to the stove. "It's really ok, not everyone's meant to cook." Edwin cursed and left the room, grabbing her book and snuggling up in the giant armchair. What the hell, if they didn't want her to work then she would just not work.

Soon, she was absorbed in her book and the magical scent of things baking wafted into the living room. The baby kicked, which usually meant they were both hungry, though it was strange to think of it was "we" are hungry. There was a knock on the door that Edwin didn't bother to answer because by the time Edwin would have wobbled over there Alfons or Gracia would have beat her by a long run.

Hughes came in, pulling off his coat and boots, greeting Gracia with a sweet hug. He and Alfons exchanged their version of "manly" talk for a moment before Hughes looked into the living room and waved at Edwin. She sat up, always happy to see her old friend…even if it confused and saddened her when she thought back on it.

"'Bout time you got your sorry ass over here." She greeted, moving to get out of the chair. Hughes held up his hand.

"Nah, just stay there. I'll sit down with you. Gracia says it'll be a bit before dinner's ready." Edwin slumped back into the couch and sighed. Hughes studied her for a moment like he was her father, and she felt a little awkward.

"Well, how've you been? You just keep getting bigger and bigger every time I see you!" Hughes laughed gleefully and Edwin just about knocked his jaw off.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING FAT?!?!?" she screamed, and Gracia stuck her head out and gave the two of them a look. Hughes's laughter only increased as he slapped his knee.

"Sorry, I couldn't help myself. You're glowing, really." And then Edwin wished what she wished every time: that Hughes was her Hughes and he knew everything about Amestris and their crazy gang of friends there. She needed sometime to _really_ talk to so badly and she just about choked up. Hughes pretended not to notice, and leaned in really closely, putting a hand up to his mouth on the side near the kitchen.

"I have a secret…" he smiled, and Edwin knew what it was before the words even left his mouth. "I'm gonna ask Gracia to marry me tonight!" Edwin smiled, because she already knew what was in store for them and she was pretty happy that Hughes was finally going to have the balls to go through with it.

"Dinner's ready!" Gracia called, and Hughes helped her up from the chair.

"Ugh…I'm going to be pregnant forever." Edwin whined, but when she saw the food on the table, she shut up. Dinner was great. Edwin ate most of everything, complaining that she _did_ have two mouths to feed so it was only fair. And Alfons just laughed and gave her his plate when he saw her eyeing it. Gracia didn't seem to see anyone else in the room but Hughes, even when Edwin asked if they had any more food. Finally, Alfons shook her out of her daze by asking when they were going to have the cake.

"Oh! I almost forgot." She hurriedly stood up and went to the counter to grab the chocolate cake and Edwin's stomach forgot it had just eaten three servings of everything. They sang happy birthday in that weird German way Edwin would never understand, and when Hughes blew out the candles he backed away and let Gracia quickly serve a piece to the drooling pregnant, hormonal teen across the table. Then, the beer came out and everyone got a little louder (except for Edwin who thought it was best not to drink when she had a giant bowling ball for a stomach).

"Ugh. I think I ate too much." Everyone laughed at that, and Hughes muttered, "You think?" underneath his breath, which earned him a dangerous glare. So Edwin wobbled out of the dining room and down the hall, wishing everyone goodnight. She also had to pee very, very badly. So while she took care of that and got ready for bed, she thought about how strange it was to be friends with people who should know you more than you do. She was thankful for it…but at the same time it was a curse that kept reminding her of what she had left behind. Sitting down on the bed, she moved to unlatch her leg, which was difficult because there was a baby in the way. After she finished that impossible task, she lay down on the bed and rubbed her stomach absent-mindedly until she fell asleep and dreamed of home.


End file.
